HOW TO IDENTIFY PHARISEES IN ANY CHURCH

1. They go to work early but come to church late.

2. They beg their boss when they err but threaten to leave church whenever there is a misunderstanding.

3. They work hard to be promoted at work but treat the work of God with levity.

4. They pay all their dues in the workplace but refuse to pay most, if not all financial dues in the church.

5. They buy costly things for their boss to get favour but can't even buy airtime for their pastor.

6. When they are not going to be in the office, they take permission ahead from their superior; but expect pastor and elders to pay them visits when they miss church without notice and most times take offense.

7. They fear and respect their boss more than their pastor and leaders and even sometimes more than God.

8. When they are sick they manage to go to work but they cannot manage to come to the church.

9. They take official query serious but handle divine rebuke with disdain.

10. They tolerate their colleagues in the workplace but cannot tolerate the brethren.

11. They turn off their phones at workplace, but secretly chat on WhatsApp during service in Church.

12. They can work overtime in the office but get offended at the pastor if he's not closing at the stipulated time.

I Have Judged myself on this. Do the same!

PROMO! PROMO!! PROMO!!!

...the ways of PROF HOLY ROCK are different and hilarious

To have the most UNiQUE COMEDiAN of the era spice and add huge colour to your event this 2014 Christmas season you can book today.

Church events: 100k
Social events: 200k
Corperate events: 300k
Mosque: 500k

Outside Lagos minus flight tickets.

You could call directly @: +234 818 3167 283, +234 803 9550 252
My Twitter does not have any handle: @PROFHOLY

I SPOKE WiTH GOD

...the ways of PROF HOLY ROCK are different and hilarious

Early this morning, I communicated with my DADDY who lives in a 3 storey building up-stairs, via the telephone. In our discussion i asked Him, "what could be done to kill all the MOSQUiTOES in Nigeria, Africa and the World in general." Whilst we were discussing my credit got finished. To my surprise DADDY called me back.

He said i should announce to everybody that MOSQUiTOES will always be there no matter how we try to kill them. But those who have and use their MOSQUiTO-NETs, will always overcome.

NOTE: ""Trials and temptations will always come, but the fact that you are glued to the World's best SAViOUR; by knowing and doing what the 'word' says, you shall always be FREE.

(PROF. HOLY ROCK is a: Comedian - Talents coach - Content creator and On-Air Personality)
Twitter legdle: @PROFHOLY
BBM Pikin: 74A3A144
#TheWaysOfAProfessor

ever green comedy - PROF. HOLY ROCK iN PRESS PALAVA

...laugh until heaven comes

PRESS: we want to hear your opinion on this matter Prof.

PROF. HOLY ROCK: i am poised.

PRESS: the bible always say that JESUS is coming very soon. 'why has He not come?'

PROF  HOLY ROCK: traffic.

PRESS: traffic? How?

PROF. HOLY ROCK: JESUS is on His way. And traffic warders all over the world - including Lagos State Government of Nigeria, need to send JULiUS BERGER and LASMA to clear the road.

PRESS: please, i don't get you Prof.

PROF. HOLY ROCK: John the baptist was the CEO of Julius Berger and traffic warding, and he really constructed the road during his tenure.(Mark 1:2-3)

PRESS: how did John prepare or construct the road?

PROF. HOLY ROCK: is in the chapter above but let me switch-on more electricity. He poured so many bags of Dangote Cement to smoothen the road. Including Federal road, State road and Street roads by entering Okada from junction to junction, house to house, he even went from school to school and was lecturing the 'word' to people. (Luke 3:3-4)

PRESS: wow. I can't believe this.

PROF. HOLY ROCK: John the baptist also came to Ajegunle, which is the Ghetto of Nigeria and was lecturing people to buy paint and repent themselves. (Matthew 3:1-3)

PRESS: you just talked about paint. Please, 'is there any paint that could be used to paint the body?'

PROF. HOLY ROCK: yes. The blood of JESUS.

PRESS: wow. We shall talk on that later. But 'how can people construct the road, according to you Prof.?'

PROF. HOLY ROCK: The Dangote Cement that is been poured everyday on our road is the WORD of GOD ministers preach everyday. And for the road to remain without any pot holes people need to drive gingerly.

PRESS: oh my GOD. Please what do you mean by 'gingerly?'

PROF. HOLY ROCK: carefully.
Always conscious of GOD. (Matthew 3:6)

PRESS: please give more light Prof.

PROF. HOLY ROCK: our life is the road. We need to construct our lives daily by living righteously and generiously. That way, it will be easier for JESUS to drive through the express road of our spirit, soul and body and come. Sin is the traffic holding JESUS. But whether sin or not He will still come, so is better you repaint yourself.

PRESS: so what are the signs that can make one know that he has JESUS?

PROF. HOLY ROCK: the person's name will change to Peace. Because he or she will have a wider orange. Sorry. A wider range of peace.

(Stay Tuned For More)
Twitter legdle: @PROFHOLY
#JuliusBerger #Dangote #Cement

italian suit

...laugh until heaven comes

TODAY'S PRAYER POiNT & KiLL: Father, please give me an italian suit. (PRAYER!!!)

The reason Jabez entered Okada and ran to GOD's office crying "Oh LORD, change my suit", (1st Chronicles 4:10) was because GOD had a boutique. And His boutique is still Open today.

I see GOD designing new Suits, Ankara, Jeans, T-Shirts, Polo and many order materials for somebody this week in JESUS' appellation.

Twitter legdle: @PROFHOLY
#ItalianSuit #GOD #Boutique

how to stop boko haram - PROF. HOLY ROCK iN PRESS PALAVA

...laugh until heaven comes

PRESS: What can be done to stop BOKO HARAM?

PROF. HOLY ROCK: Let everybody in Nigeria run away. If BOKO HARAM stay for two Months and fineds nobody to bomb, then, they will repent.

(Stay Tuned For More)
If you loved 'i komole' by T.I.V, then download  T.I.V's latest single, TASTE EH. its hot and fresh. taste it. www.bit.ly/1nTJjQC

Twitter legdle: @PROFHOLY
#Nigeria #BokoHaram

THE BEST COOK iN THE WORLD

...the ways of PROF HOLY ROCK are different and hilarious

Which type of food did GOD cook in Psalm 23:5?

(a) Egusi soup
(b) Okoro soup
(c) Rice and stew
(d) Shawarma and Chicken chips
(e) All of the above
(f) None of the above

(The winner will receive an idea from GOD in a trance)

Twitter legdle: @profholy
#QuizEstate #Food

Electrician - THE HiLARiOUS GOSPEL with PROF. HOLY ROCK

TODAY'S PRAYER POiNT: Dear LORD, please make me an electrician. (PRAYER!!!)

NOTE: If GOD makes you an electrician you will never be in darkness because you will know how to connect wire.

The bible says, "you are the light of all the 7 continents of this World"" (Matthew 5:14 - THB version). And for you to be the light of the World, you have to first become an electrician. You must know how to fix lights.

And the only one who can help train you to becoming an electrician is no other person but our LORD JESUS CHRiST because He is the original light of the World (John 8:12)

I believe you are blessed just reading this. That is the aim of GOD via this ministry - THE HiLARiOUS GOSPEL

It took hours of sleepless night to receive these revelations. If you are blessed, bless someone by distributing this Article to their phones, emails, radio, Tv and all. And as you sleep this night, my GOD will give you an idea that will perfect your life, ministry, business, Talent etc in JESUS' appellation/name.

Prayer For Single Men - THE HiLARiOUS GOSPEL with PROF. HOLY ROCK

TODAY'S PRAYER POiNT: Oh LORD! i want to marry a woman that anytime i hear her voice in the morning, i will increase my OFFERiNG. And when i look at her face, i just double my TiTHE, in JESUS Mighty name (PRAYER!!!)

Single men, pray this prayer seriously. And a single woman who wants GOD to bless her husband to the point he will be doing this should also pray - including married couples who need GOD to 'interview' their marriage. Sorry. To intervene in their marriage should also accelerate this prayer point.

Twitter legdle: @PROFHOLY
#SingleMen #SingleWomen #Couples
Highly Hilarious. Highly Serious

THiNGS MOST WOMEN DON'T KNOW by PROF. HOLY ROCK

TRY CALLiNG HiM: It had been said that a man should love his wife, but not for the man to always do the calling texting etc. Every woman wants a caring, romantic and always calling and SMSing man. But many if not all don't realise that even the man needs a woman who will do all that to him. Like; call him 12 times a day, be romantic to him, even while he is at work or where ever. It makes him work better and faster.

BE A PROFESSiONAL AT SOMETHiNG: Women, add value to your lives. No man with vision wants to marry a woman who has not even discovered her purpose or has a cool job or hand work doing. Even if a woman is not a graduate but she knows the computer, sowing and whatever trade very well and can read and write with a plan/strategy that will draw the World anytime, she will be valued even more than a graduate who doesn't have a plan and has not discovered her purpose.
"I prefare a drop out with a purpose to a graduate without one".

BUY SOMETHiNG FOR HiM: Shoes, shirts, etc. "Most women tell their man about their birthday 5 Months before the day". Women feel it is only the duty of a man to buy things for them.

""A woman who buys things for a man will easily get the man's heart.""

Joseph couldn't leave virgin Mary his fiancee when he found that she was 3 Months pregnant from another source because Mary showed him great love, took him to sight seeing, bought him things etc and gave him better ideas to take his carpentry business international.

""The woman who encourages a man to achieve a plan/vision etc, will be of great value to the man than gold""

NOTE: Joseph the carpenter did not have a television but he had vision and virgin Mary stood by him and gave him colossal support. Joseph had in mind to construct chairs for kings and queens according to (Proverbs 22:29) but he ended up doing far more. The bible says that Heaven is GOD's palace (Acts 7:49 - THB version). And in His palace, He sits on His throne. The throne that GOD seats on was contructed by Joseph the carpenter but he achieved that because a kind woman stood by him.

HOW DiD JOSEPH ACHiEVE THAT? if you are a carpenter and you are living a righteous life, industrous and excellent at your handwork, it means you are constructing a Throne for the Almighty GOD.

""Go into the World and preach the Gospel"". You can preach the Gospel been a carpenter. I will talk on ""HOW YOU CAN PREACH THE GOSPEL WiTH ANY GiFT YOU HAVE"" one of these days.

So women, if you can't encourage and support all men, the one that you feel you love, try encouraging him from now. He also needs your encouragement.

You are BLESSED

Twitter legdle: @profholy
#ThingsWomenDon'tKnow